This guy I do not like, he pops his head up every now and then just irritate those around him. He really gets on my nerves, his anger is so hot he just can’t let it go, he is unreasonable, he is mean, he is just one unhappy individual. And I tell him he has no reason to be this way. His life aint bad, it is a heck of a lot better than many others. He has a wife, great kids, and a roof over his head. But he just wants to focus on what is wrong, why everything aint perfect, why he doesn’t have more, why he is not more successful, doesn’t have more money. It seems like no matter what he does he never feels like it is enough.
It is a really good thing I do not spend that much time looking in the mirror or I might see him even more often than I do.
Last night we celebrated World Judo Day. It was an awesome night with great people celebrating a tremendous art form. The thing I like most about our Judo club is that it really is more about developing individuals with strong positive character traits. The sport and defensive aspects of Judo and Jujitsu are integral to what we do but they are secondary to building better people.
Being a person who needs to focus on being better, at more things than I care to count, I struggle with that part of Judo. Sometimes I just want to focus on the technical aspects, the throws, the strikes, the locks I love the physical side of Judo and Jujitsu, and they tend to come easier for me. Since I have started with this group and had to focus more on working with younger people I have seen the amazing potential the martial arts have in making kids, and adults, better people.
In the end the ability to hurt someone is really not that hard to achieve. We all tend to be able to do that with no need for training at all. Being able to lift someone up and build each other, now that is an art worth learning.
She left the house today
My little girl
Tomorrow when she comes home she will be on a new path.
Maybe the same path but with a new direction
Not the one I wanted but the one she chose.
For better or for worse when she comes home again she will a soldier.
My little girl she will always be, but tomorrow she will be so much more.
I used to write these all the time. I have not done so in years. Forgot how much fun they could be.
Foggy Darkness Thick
Around me flows thick darkness
Sunrise burns off fog
I am an idiot. I spent the better part of two years fighting insomnia. Insomnia caused by a medication I was on. I went through a string of meds that were supposed to help me sleep. Some did some didn’t but if they helped me sleep the side effects where far worse than the ailment they were supposed to fix. So in my infinite wisdom I started drinking every night in order to get some sleep. It was not a problem it was just the only thing I found that would help me shut down enough to get some sleep.
My doctors and I went back and forth over what was better for me. Their meds that caused me to miss more work and gave me physical and mental side effects that, to me, where far worse than whatever the booze might be doing. The docs thought there way was the better way and that I would just get used to the side effects or they would go away once I had been on the meds for a while.
Guess what, we were both wrong. After going through the nightmares of the meds and the coast of the booze I finally did the one thing I should have done to start with.
I prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I asked for guidance and wisdom and peace, and above all I asked for sleep. And guess what happened. I got sleep. I got guidance. I got peace. Wisdom my family might argue with but that’s ok. Does this mean I will never suffer from insomnia again, no? Does this mean that every night I get as much sleep as I want, no? But it does mean that right now I have been getting enough, and that is enough for me.
It also means that the next time I need help I will start with prayer. I will listen to my docs but I will put prayer first.